A few weeks ago I talked about how humor is one of the quickest ways to build connection.

As I reflected on that newsletter another idea came to mind.

This idea is the “harder” path that is required to build deep connection but it is even more effective.

The idea is that shared pain binds people together.

Humor breaks down personal barriers but pain binds souls together.

I think about the military and the built in comradery that comes with it.

While I have never been in the military, I have witnessed the bonds it creates.

Part of it is due to the extreme proximity, which is essential in creating deep relationships.

The other part is the shared pain or training that they go through together.

As I was thinking about ways we could apply this into our normal, everyday, basic citizen lives, I came up with a few ideas.

I believe we all want deep relationships. We want friends that we can truly depend on.

We know that humor and laughter can help break down walls but that will only make us acquaintances.

We are looking for something more.

That is where shared pain comes in.

Now, pain can be a sensitive topic. I am not saying to become a full masochist and make sure your friends become that too.

I am saying that any form of struggling, in the presence of others, expedites friendship.

The struggle is subjective.

You could struggle to run a marathon with your friend or you could struggle to plan a trip to an all inclusive resort.

Both are struggling.

The point is to struggle with people.

This is one of the ways you can skip past the time it takes to build relationships.

By walking through share pain, deliberately or undeliberately, you literally time travel to a deep part of the relationship.

Shared pain expedites the process of relationships.

These are the moments worth pursuing.

There is power in curating moments of struggling with your peers in order to create deeper relationships that you can depend on.

Go out and pursue shared pain. Go out and make a difference.